“Go big or go home.” A catchy yet overused motto that has applied to me in the past.
In the middle of 2013, I “went big” and signed up with a personal trainer. Not just any personal trainer but rather a high priced trainer at a highly rated boutique fitness center located in the heart of Buckhead. All for the “affordable” low price of $600 per month. How did that work out for me?
Our sessions lasted 1 hour, twice a week and continued uninterrupted for eight months. He was a great, highly experienced guy, who put me through my paces in every session. Afterwards, I would be a hot, wet mess and often wondered if I would pass out on the way to my car. Even more, we collaborated on my diet plan and slowly but surely wrangled my eating under control.
Truth be told, I loved it. Over that time, I dropped 30 pounds and increased my strength, stamina, and balance. Best of all, it brought feelings of being fit, healthy, and confident. But all things must come to an end and in March 2014 I opted to save my money (in light of eventually moving) and cancel our sessions.
Over the next six months, I gained 40 pounds. And that’s not a typo either.
Let’s decompose this a little, shall we? First, I had all the knowledge that I needed – I knew the workout moves, timing, combinations, speeds, and weights. Second, I had all the rules and knowledge to enact a healthy diet. And I chose not to follow any of that guidance – not because I wanted to become overweight, but rather because I set life on autopilot and let the “monkey mind” do whatever it wanted.
The Huffington Post has a great article describing what Buddha called the “Monkey Mind” and it’s exactly what I went through. I became engulfed in life, going from one thing to the next, anxious and obsessed without focus. Thus I reverted back to my old eating habits (which were not healthy) or I ate out of anxiety, stress, and the like. You name it and I was shoveling it down my gullet – so much so that my alter-ego Amelia came into the spotlight.
This story, though, has a silver lining. In August 2014, at 240 pounds, with neither dress shirt nor dress pant fitting, I had a life altering moment and changed course, ultimately dropping 22 pounds and on track to drop another 20 more. This course correction hasn’t been easy – a topic for another day – but I’ve finally internalized the knowledge, turned it into wisdom, and changed for the better.