This week, let’s take a moment to self-reflect and contemplate an aspect of life: Change.
I’m not talking change as in Who Moved My Cheese… that’s a topic for a later discussion. I’m referring to the need for change – the desire for constant motion, development, and advancement in our lives. If you’ve experienced it, you know it’s a real thing, with real outcomes, that needs constant attention and examination.
Let’s take a look at some of the ways this mentality manifests, some of the reasons why we may be driven for change, and some of the ways to counteract the feeling.
The need for change has always been an issue in my life – sometimes in the background and sometimes front and center. It’s shown itself in all areas and aspects of my life, including purchases, relationships, and career. Worse, its effects have ranged from mental exhaustion to outright maddening experiences.
Signs of The Need for Change
Signs that you continuously desire change are probably already apparent, but they may only show up in a few, yet very significant, areas of life.
To give you some ideas, here are some areas I have struggled with over the years:
- Continuously looking for a new job, even if you like your job or just got a new job… I’ve been known to obsess over this and spend hours on Indeed and LinkedIn
- Always getting the latest and greatest technology when its released (e.g. iPhone)
I do this so much that I switched to the iPhone payment plan (a.k.a. annual lease)
- Piling your Amazon wish list high with all sorts of items that you desire
I put so much on my list that i have to curate the list prior to using it at Christmas
- Making a lengthy lists of all the improvements you can dream up for your house
No comment here – the things on my list are just absurd (until I make millions)
- Constantly researching new products – or even new vehicles
This is how I bought my Jeep – months of research and one fateful dealership visit
Reasons for The Need for Change
There have been days where I’ve continually asked myself why my mind operates like this… why I can’t be satisfied and thus why I’m always looking for the next big thing…
I’ve narrowed it down to three perspectives, but do a full self-assessment yourself:
- Not good enough
Most any self-help book or psychologist/coach will bring this up because it’s something that is deeply wired into a lot of us. Each person projects this deep held belief out into the world differently. For me, looking for and finding something new (e.g. the offer of a new job or the purchase of the latest gadget) has always made me feel worthwhile, wanted, valued, and accepted. - Filling a gap
When you have a need, but you aren’t sure what the need really is, then you tend to put your focus, effort, and attention anywhere and everywhere. Often it’s a connection with yourself, or a higher power, that’s missing (as demonstrated by the 12-step program). Thus, identifying and focusing on that internal need (and fulfilling it appropriately) becomes much more important than trying to fill the need with with external things and people. For me, this has led to countless purchases, horrible dating experiences, and an ongoing feeling of being off-balance. - Anxious mind
There are times in life where the “monkey mind” (as I’ve heard it called) takes control – that somehow our innate animal instincts and habits take over and causes our mind to bounce around like a pinball machine. This anxiousness not only feeds the problems above but it also drives a feeling of continuously being unsatisfied, that there is more out that, and that I am missing out.
Counteracting The Need for Change
There are numerous ways in which one can tackle this issue, so finding the methods that work for you individually is the most important path forward.
For a quick start, here are methods that worked for me over the years.
- Find a life coach, self-help course, small group, or some other method that involves other human beings and allows for conversation and interaction. For me, having a life coach that could focus on both personal and professional issues provided one of the most meaningful outcomes in my life. I’ve also tried numerous other classes, groups, and experiences, so feel free to inquire further if interested.
- Find a contemplation or spiritual routine that regularly includes meditation. For me, a regular nightly meditation routine has allowed me to critically examine myself from different perspectives and assess where I am, the path I’m currently on, and what’s most important to me as I continue down that path. Meditation is also invaluable at helping to calm the mind and provide an opportunity to center yourself and regain your inner strength.
- Spend time feeding the monkey mind. Instead of spending all free time “working on yourself,” periodically spend a defined amount of time on something “mindless” like video games, doodling, or even yard work (at work we call it “standing at the copier”). While perhaps counter intuitive, this method will help feed the left-over animal instincts in your brain that drive you to be continuously on the move.
But what about the future…
While it’s important to address your issues and progress/evolve through life, there can also be something said for actually experiencing life. Often times, in this fast-paced world, we lose focus on being in the moment and, instead, are always looking to the future. While this is good to a certain extent, it can be both overwhelming and severely limiting at the same time.
Also, without focusing on the here and now, we would be missing the life lessons that are right in front of us. It’s these lessons that help us learn new skills, provide additional opportunities, and help us become better individuals. Without fully grasping, learning from, and overcoming those experiences, it would be pointless to move onto a new situation – if only to relive the same issues over and over again.